Humancorp Incorporated by Andrew Stanek

Author:Andrew Stanek [Stanek, Andrew]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Humor
Amazon: B073G9K2KR
Goodreads: 35541916
Published: 2017-06-27T07:00:00+00:00

Chapter 15

“This isn’t the defective person alarm,” Noel explained tersely. “It indicates approaching hostile forces who are known to Humancorp-”

It was at this point the back wall exploded, somewhat cutting short Noel’s explanation. While Humancorp and their unmotivated chain-gangs of career employees, like Noel, like to do things in such agonizingly slow ways that it can take half the day just to tie up their shoelaces (and you should never try to tie a Humancorp shoelace, because Humancorp shoelaces can’t be untied thanks to Humancorp’s proprietary inconvenience-causing technology, designed to make you buy new shoelaces each time you wear your shoes), other organizations aren’t so lackadaisical. Some people like to move fast and hit hard, and obviously whoever had blasted through the wall wasn’t the type to sit around and wait for Noel to explain who he might be before making his dramatic entrance.

The explosion showered everyone with drywall and chips of concrete, somewhat enhancing the flavor of Sean and Noel’s meals.

“Who are these people?” Sean said, making out the forms of several heavily armed riflemen advancing through the smoke and flames.

“The detector only beeps for groups who are known to Humancorp as enemies of the company,” Noel explained as he took cover under a table. “We’re too far outside Humancorp territory for it to be the Employee Liberation Army, so that leaves two possibilities. Of the two, it’s most likely operatives from General OmniAll. They’re a vicious competitor of ours who’s trying to discover the secret to our human manufacturing process, and capturing defective humans will give them clues about our design and production methodologies. They’re well equipped and totally merciless - I hear they slaughter anyone who refuses to buy their products and hunt down and kill anyone who leaves the company to prevent them from spreading trade secrets. It would be just like General OmniAll to blast through the wall. But I suppose there’s an outside chance it might be-”

“We-” shouted the lead gunman, waving an automatic weapon in the air, “-are the Mandatory Organization of Anarchists!”

“Oh, Lord,” Noel muttered.

As the dust settled, it became clear that the gunman speaking was a very young man with slick, dark hair and dark eyes. He was swarthy and slightly handsome, and he was wearing a black-gray military-style dress uniform with lots of colorful patches and insignia on it. The rifle he carried, which was large and deadly, he held in one arm and swung around wildly.

“Attention, occupants of this restaurant,” shouted the gunman. “My name is Tribune Alphonse Delroy, the head of the Mandatory Organization of Anarchists, and I am seizing control of this establishment in the name of anarchy!”

He turned to the dozen or so heavily armed gunmen he had with him, who were all carrying rifles identical to his and wearing black-gray uniforms similar to his own, albeit with fewer blotches of color.

“We’re gonna fight the power and bring down the system in this restaurant, isn’t that right, men?” Delroy shouted enthusiastically.

“Yes, leader,” all the gunmen said in the same dull monotone.

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